Parallel Universe

Friday Lucas would've been two months old, but not really...because if everything would've been okay he might not've even been born yet. His due date was Feb. 9th. He was born on Dec. 4th. I struggle with how to deal with this, but either way I miss him. Such a beautiful special boy, and no matter what, I am lucky to be his mom.

...

Lucas' birth certificate came in the mail the other day. Across the top was a big red stamp "Deceased". While I am thankful to have his birth certificate, another document as proof he was really here, I wish I had one certificate that was only just about his birth. I know he's not here. I don't need the reminder.

Phantom

Sometimes I swear I can feel my ribs getting kicked, as if the tiny little feet are still in there trying to find some space to move around. Logically I know it can't be true but I put my hand there to check anyhow.

Name: Lucas Dickman-Sciaraffo

Today I ordered my baby's birth certificate. As I was filling out the information: date of birth, mother's name, father's name, child's name, etc... it seemed very cruel to me that I already have the death certificate.